My loss process

Going through this experience of loss, the most recent one being my bag and all my essential personal belongings it brings up allot of emotions. A big one is feeling lackof security which translates in terms of what we say to ourself ” I am not supported” or “I am all alone” in a negative sense, also the story of “I am a failure”, and “I am powerless/helpless” though the feelings we experience in these times are a real internal experience and require being holding by us and others in love and compassion and presence, they dissolve
when that is brought, showing their unreal nature and that those negative emotions are really shedding light to a deeper need for the experience of love and compassion and presence we all have. There are mental ways also to address those stories to disappear them and get back to that place but ultimately it is revealing the same core values and state. One process is taking that negative feeling and remembering when you first felt it, this is done allot in trauma counselling. We have access to healing it when we go back to early childhood memory, seeing what happened, what story we made up and then showing the mind it not true. IE one the first time I had this feeling was when I was a baby, my birth mom was not there I had been taken away from and I was in a new home and crib. I remember feeling scared insecure and sad, The story equate to “I am alone”, “I am unlovable”, “I am helpless” and also “I am not enough or wanted”. The truth is that I was taken from my mom, the truth was she couldn’t take care of us, the truth was there were people around, but the story from the feelings locks in because our minds make it mean something else. Like right now, the truth is my bag was stolen from my friends car, and I don’t have certain material things I am used to having and that is all. but the negative feelings flood in and these old stories awaken about what that must mean about me. The truth is just the facts and that is devoid of meaning, what it means is what I make of it or any of us make of it. It is good because it brings me back to the old experiences of this negative emotion and then I can see the story of it and then in seeing it not true disappear it. There still a sense of loss that can be big and that is where the loving compassion come in. It is where we bring more and more of that to ourself and remember our inner resource of it until only good feeling is left. That is my journey now, to hug the pain away, inside to give myself that presence, love and compassion I need instead of feeding the negative story. Thank you all for being a witness to this process.
Advertisements

The great Exploration

Any feild of study is our mind our limited intelligence attempting to understand a greater intelligence that we are born of, that governs the laws of the cosmo’s of nature and of our human sentiency. We do this to understand This intelligence in order to unify with it, to explore it, to know its laws and ourselves more deeply, and yet as one in any feild knows once you begin and the further you go the further down the rabbit hole you go, you begin to realize the vastness of it that stretches further beyond what the mind can possibly comprehend in even thousands of lifetimes. For example Astronomers who looked to study the stars and planets lead them to discover more stars and planets then the galaxy and we grew our technology to match what we knew and to expand our view to the next level, and as we expanded our view it gave rise to a new level that we didn’t realize before, today we have now discovered the galaxy is not only one or several thousand but that there are billions and billions of galaxies and that is only to the level that we can see… It is so vast, and each step of the way we are humbled. Those who sought to know and create limits to their knowing discovered how little they know in the end. Any great scientist would come to this point eventually… And in that there is a meeting of a greater intelligence, a greater energy or even awareness beyond our limited self and our experience which is ever expanding to meet it but not quite reaching it. In this science and the greater intelligence or creator, creative force are one both the observer and the observed, the unknown and the known the great mystery and the human reality, the finite and the infinite. It has always been this way. Science and that greater intelligence or God as some may call it in this way have never been seperate, and whether you are a person of science or a person of spiritual quest there is no difference the journey and the realization is the same and the essential level. Modern times split these two concepts when long ago there was never a split, man is the limited creation exploring the creator or greater divine intelligence of the cosmos from which our intelligence arose, there can be no division, the division comes only from a limited mind. The split is like a child refuting it had a mother and father and when the child discovered he had a body and could crawl and make gestures with his body acting as if it something he invented rather than an inherent intelligence that was passed from them. In this way we as humans in general can be silly too to think that we are creating something new when our intelligence and everything it is exploring and that very desire to explore is an intelligence that has been gifted to us, made possible by a greater design in which we are but a minute fragment of. This is why every idea, every feild, even every measurement will always be close to expressing the truth of it, close to the facts, even with scientific knowledge and data but always not quite there, always something new there will be to be explored, discovered. It makes us realize that reality is always a little fluid, that life is more an exploration than a destination, and that until we can surrender our limited mind to this greater source we will not experience it fully, and that when we think we “know” something it is far from the truth, farther than not knowing… The truth is it always a process of knowing, or exploring, of getting to know, of experiencing, of deepening in our understanding, of expanding, and this is why ancient ones referred to the higher intelligence or energy of the cosmos as the “Great Mystery” it is why in science there is a practice of doing experiments, to enquire within a limited framework and come to a conclusion and yet no matter what we explore there is always more possibilities for experiment, as there are infinite factors that can change the outcome of the enquiry. It is the reason why when someone becomes a “Doctor” in any feild, he has a “practice” which implies he is still exploring, still discovering, still perfecting, still mastering. And in this way one is a beginner always, in every feild, always learning, always growing, never complete… So remember, just when you think you have got it done, you have just begun.